So I managed to not get a really great start on this. Honestly? It wasn't my fault. Every time I started to write, something would happen. When I started this thing...it was a crazy time. I needed somewhere to write - somewhere to be completely honest with everyone for the first time - because holding things back got me. Well, I never really got the chance to be honest because about the time I started to be - I was constantly on the phone and constantly fielding phone calls. Constantly talking to everyone else that already knew about everything else. But...a month has past and things are starting to calm down a little bit - so I am going to do my best to play catch up.
The best place to start this all off is to say that - all parents fight. It's just apart of life and most kids have to, eventually, see it. That's unfortunate, if you ask me and maybe that is because I am jaded. Over the years, I have had to see it a lot more than that I would like - from the time that I was way to young to want to be able to hit a person in the head with a baseball bat -but none the less, I did. That - among the other things that I am bound to get to - are a lot of the reason why I have grown to be the way I am. Bitchy, kind of controlling, and a reclusive, creative, Patrick Star of Southeast Arkansas. I tell it like I see it - and I don't usually feel the need to lie, but if I find myself having to - I also find that I can usually look a person in the eye while I'm doing it.
Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is that, over the last year to year and half or maybe two years, the fighting has gotten substantially worse. A lot of it has to do with the fact that my mother is an alcoholic. Period, plain and simple - no matter how much she tries to deny it - she is an alcoholic. That, in and of itself, is stressful enough to have to deal with but you add on the fact that there is fighting - things just get worse. Especially when I am, to a certain extent, responsible for her actions and whereabouts - at least in the eyes of everyone else. (I am sure that she wonders why I am constantly bitchy and constantly in her business, well, this is why. When your 21-year-old daughter is essentially babysitting you, what do you expect?) But anyway...that is just part of it. The rest comes down to money and...this...
Apparently, at some point over the last year, my mother had an affair - or for all I really know - multiple affairs. There is evidence of it - it is not a fabricated story - but, in an effort to stay as neutral as possible - in a situation that was already hard enough to stay neutral in - I chose not to read the 96+ pages of emails and Facebook comments that my father acquired. Either way, I got informed of this via a phone call several days before my initial breakdown that led me to my Uncle's for four days. While there, shit hit the fan, of course. My mother left - my father broke down - and you can imagine how everyone else in the family was reacting.
To top it all off - for whatever reason - it turns out that most, if not all of the bills, were at least two months behind and we, supposedly, were on the verge of losing everything. They say that, everything happens all at once, well...everything did happen all at once and most it was because of my mother and likely, her drinking.
So, I spent the next ten days fielding phone calls. Talking out my feelings, trying to figure out plans of action for the things that I could help with, and trying to be of some verbal assistance to my Dad who was taking this all extremely hard. But finally, after nearly a week, my Mother came back and they decided to try and work things out. All went well for a while, then there was a blow up. To go into why there was a blow up and what all happened would take, no doubt, a longer essay that I would like to write. So, let's just say, that I wasn't here until the end, cops were called, and the next day, she left again. Not, however, without pissing me off this time - and as most of you know - you don't piss me off without major repercussions.
Anyway, that weekend was pretty much hell anyway as my brother decided that he wanted to come down. He obviously did not take subtleties very well, because, honestly? Who would come down at a time like that? But, a little over 24-hours after she left, she came back. From then on, it was a tense weekend, but the tension managed to subside once my brother finally left.
Since then, things haven't been too bad, but they haven't been great either. It's been a battle of wills, to be honest. Fortunately, my mother finally got a job - so that, alone, takes a lot of the pressure off of me that has been on me since she came back this last time. It also helps that, after the last blow out on Friday night, they left Saturday and haven't been back. (Went to my other Uncle's for a day, then to the who let me stay at his home last month when this started, and have been there since. Seeing as how that is closer to both of their jobs now, it was just easier while my mother gets used to things again, especially.) I don't know if they are coming back tonight or tomorrow, but either way, this break has been good. I needed it.
I am hoping that I don't end up having to go to my grandmother's later to help her move. I am going to do it, because I said that I would, but I am really not looking forward to the heat. Especially on, if I have to go today, no sleep. I have already been working this morning - I am in the process of doing some laundry, swept the floor, and am going to finish loading the dishwasher at some point.
I will probably try to keep myself busy doing things, on and off, for most of the day so that I can get my schedule straight. I have a lot that I need to do anyway. I am getting an apartment this semester at school and I move in at the beginning of August. So...gotta get ready for that. But...expect more of these blogs. More about what has been going on and how I've felt. There's a lot of - a lot to say. But I'll get it all out.
Eventually.
The best place to start this all off is to say that - all parents fight. It's just apart of life and most kids have to, eventually, see it. That's unfortunate, if you ask me and maybe that is because I am jaded. Over the years, I have had to see it a lot more than that I would like - from the time that I was way to young to want to be able to hit a person in the head with a baseball bat -but none the less, I did. That - among the other things that I am bound to get to - are a lot of the reason why I have grown to be the way I am. Bitchy, kind of controlling, and a reclusive, creative, Patrick Star of Southeast Arkansas. I tell it like I see it - and I don't usually feel the need to lie, but if I find myself having to - I also find that I can usually look a person in the eye while I'm doing it.
Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is that, over the last year to year and half or maybe two years, the fighting has gotten substantially worse. A lot of it has to do with the fact that my mother is an alcoholic. Period, plain and simple - no matter how much she tries to deny it - she is an alcoholic. That, in and of itself, is stressful enough to have to deal with but you add on the fact that there is fighting - things just get worse. Especially when I am, to a certain extent, responsible for her actions and whereabouts - at least in the eyes of everyone else. (I am sure that she wonders why I am constantly bitchy and constantly in her business, well, this is why. When your 21-year-old daughter is essentially babysitting you, what do you expect?) But anyway...that is just part of it. The rest comes down to money and...this...
Apparently, at some point over the last year, my mother had an affair - or for all I really know - multiple affairs. There is evidence of it - it is not a fabricated story - but, in an effort to stay as neutral as possible - in a situation that was already hard enough to stay neutral in - I chose not to read the 96+ pages of emails and Facebook comments that my father acquired. Either way, I got informed of this via a phone call several days before my initial breakdown that led me to my Uncle's for four days. While there, shit hit the fan, of course. My mother left - my father broke down - and you can imagine how everyone else in the family was reacting.
To top it all off - for whatever reason - it turns out that most, if not all of the bills, were at least two months behind and we, supposedly, were on the verge of losing everything. They say that, everything happens all at once, well...everything did happen all at once and most it was because of my mother and likely, her drinking.
So, I spent the next ten days fielding phone calls. Talking out my feelings, trying to figure out plans of action for the things that I could help with, and trying to be of some verbal assistance to my Dad who was taking this all extremely hard. But finally, after nearly a week, my Mother came back and they decided to try and work things out. All went well for a while, then there was a blow up. To go into why there was a blow up and what all happened would take, no doubt, a longer essay that I would like to write. So, let's just say, that I wasn't here until the end, cops were called, and the next day, she left again. Not, however, without pissing me off this time - and as most of you know - you don't piss me off without major repercussions.
Anyway, that weekend was pretty much hell anyway as my brother decided that he wanted to come down. He obviously did not take subtleties very well, because, honestly? Who would come down at a time like that? But, a little over 24-hours after she left, she came back. From then on, it was a tense weekend, but the tension managed to subside once my brother finally left.
Since then, things haven't been too bad, but they haven't been great either. It's been a battle of wills, to be honest. Fortunately, my mother finally got a job - so that, alone, takes a lot of the pressure off of me that has been on me since she came back this last time. It also helps that, after the last blow out on Friday night, they left Saturday and haven't been back. (Went to my other Uncle's for a day, then to the who let me stay at his home last month when this started, and have been there since. Seeing as how that is closer to both of their jobs now, it was just easier while my mother gets used to things again, especially.) I don't know if they are coming back tonight or tomorrow, but either way, this break has been good. I needed it.
I am hoping that I don't end up having to go to my grandmother's later to help her move. I am going to do it, because I said that I would, but I am really not looking forward to the heat. Especially on, if I have to go today, no sleep. I have already been working this morning - I am in the process of doing some laundry, swept the floor, and am going to finish loading the dishwasher at some point.
I will probably try to keep myself busy doing things, on and off, for most of the day so that I can get my schedule straight. I have a lot that I need to do anyway. I am getting an apartment this semester at school and I move in at the beginning of August. So...gotta get ready for that. But...expect more of these blogs. More about what has been going on and how I've felt. There's a lot of - a lot to say. But I'll get it all out.
Eventually.
